suggestions?

[tonyvdb]

Hi, first of all I think this Topic thread is a fantastic idea and want to thank all who have been posting thoughts and prayers here for people in need.

Now for my help request...
I have a friend who is a former coworker that I have kept in touch with over the years. He recently found out that he has stomach cancer (he is 45 years old and has three kids) I have not talked to him since the diagnosis and from what I hear he will not live more than a week or so longer. I tried to contact him and his wife and have not heard back from him or her and wonder if I should continue to try as I do want to see him before he goes.

A little background...He found out about a year ago that he had stomach cancer but went into denial and instead of going and getting chemotherapy he went to a natural path and by the time he realized that was not working it was too late to do anything through chemotherapy. He is very mad at the world and God and I dont know how to go about this.

[salvasol]

tonyvdb wrote:

...I have a friend who is a former coworker that I have kept in touch with over the years. He recently found out that he has stomach cancer (he is 45 years old and has three kids) I have not talked to him since the diagnosis and from what I hear he will not live more than a week or so longer. I tried to contact him and his wife and have not heard back from him or her and wonder if I should continue to try as I do want to see him before he goes...

Sorry to ear that, my father in law had the same cancer and passed away almost four years ago ...

I don't know how he will react (you said that he is not happy with the world) ... but I will go directly to his house and visit him; maybe he and his wife haven't contact you becuase they're looking for treatment or they're at the hospital ... If they don't want to see you (I doubt that) you will feel better knowing that you did your best to see him ...

Friends are always together ... specially in situations like this ...

Good Luck.

[Sonnie]

I would also recommend a visit if that is possible.

You say he's mad with the world and God. That means he at least acknowledges God. Maybe he will be willing to give God another chance, hopefully it won't be too late for him... it certainly won't get better if he continues with the same attitude. I might help for him to reflect back on Job... who lost everything and was afflicted with severe sickness and pain, yet never once did he curse God... nor did he give up on God. Somehow he needs to understand God is his only hope and that this life is only a vapor... a mist... over in a blink of the eye.

[drf]

whilst I don't feel comfortable offering advice, I will offer my prayers and thoughts for you and your friend in this time. Take heart that something good will come of all this even if it isn't apparent now.

Cheers
Dr F.

[tonyvdb]

Sonnie wrote:

I would also recommend a visit if that is possible.

You say he's mad with the world and God. That means he at least acknowledges God. ....

He is or at least was a church goer As am I And I think thats why he is so upset as he doesn't understand why this is happening to him. I dont know his heart so I cant say where he stands as far as a personal relationship with God but I'm hopping that a visit will work out if not just to talk about the past without dwelling on the circumstances at hand.

[Tiddler]

If you don't go and see him you will always wonder and possibly regret not trying.

I'm not sure exactly why, but for me it is very important that when a loved one dies they know how much I love them and will miss them. The man may not be a loved one but he obviously has a significant place in your heart. I know I would regret not having a chance to let such a dear friend know that.

[terry j]

Go and see him and his wife, you will regret it if you don't.

If as soon as you arrive they tell you to leave, acknowledge them with "of course, just wanted to tell you i love you' and leave graciously.

We can go into paralysis if we try and analytically analyze thought and motives in situations like this, but these are FAR from normal situations and the normal or usual 'rules of logic' simply no longer apply.

That is why I say don't think any longer, just 'do' and let the chips fall where they will.

All the best

[Prof.]

terry j wrote:

Go and see him and his wife, you will regret it if you don't.

If as soon as you arrive they tell you to leave, acknowledge them with "of course, just wanted to tell you i love you' and leave graciously.

Yes, good advice..
If you are turned away, pray for him and ask if it be God's Will that you can see him or speak to him before he goes..

[Mike P.]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I had an uncle who died from stomach cancer. If you try and see him and are turned away, it may not be because he doesn't want to see you. It may be because he is not capable of seeing you.

[tonyvdb]

Thanks for all your input,
Just an update. His wife called me last night and we talked for a bit, She said that he can barely talk and is not really up to seeing anyone but is thankful for my concern and will keep me posted on his health. She said she will try to convince him to let me pop in at some point.
Sadly she said it doesn't seem like he will live more than another week or so if his condition continues to progress as it has.

[tonyvdb]

It is with sadness that I report the Guerino Pucci passed away On September 27, 2007.
Guerino passed away at the age of 43 years and is survived by his loving family, his wife, Wendy; daughter, Erica; sons: Matthew and Brandon.
May the Lord bless the family in this time of great loss and sadness.

He will be missed

[Sonnie]

Sorry to learn of this loss... my regards to all.

[terry j]

A very young age. I hope the family cope well.

And yourself of course.

[Prof.]

I'm very sorry to hear of the sad news...That is a very young age to pass away..
Did you get to see him before he went?

[tonyvdb]

Sadly he did not want any visitors. I spoke with his wife just days before he passed away and she said that she would make sure that he was told that I cared and really wanted to see him.
I only wish I had found out about his condition a few months earlier. I hadn't talked to him in over a year.
He will be missed but not be forgotten.

[Prof.]

Tony..That may be a blessing in disguise that you didn't get to see him..
Sometimes it's nicer to remember someone when they were a healthy person, and not have the memory of them in a dying state..

I had a friend who died of cancer, and I was with him at the hospital when he died..
He was a big burly man full of life when I knew him, and just skin and bones when he died...It was terrible..and I'll never forget that image