Where are all the good jokes?

[Sonnie]

Now I know you guys get good jokes passed along to you via email all along.

Or you know a good joke.

I need a good laugh all along, so please... throw us your best joke!

[mikeb]

Some of you might have seen this but one of my all time favorites. (edited for language)


A SOUTHENER MOVES NORTH


Jan. 10: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. My wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan. 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan. 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan. 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my rear in the driveway. I went to a chiropractor and spent $145, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white stuff last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 15: 2 degrees outside. More snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

Jan.16: white stuff keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-gun that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan.17: Six more inches of snow and sleet and ice and who knows what other kind of white stuff fell last night. I wounded the snowplow driver with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -22 degrees. I'm moving back to South Carolina!

[drf]

I heard a local farmer just received the Nobel prize for being out standing in his field!

Boom tsh!!

[drf]

Q: How do you know there is a drummer at your front door?
A: his knocking slows down.

Q: how do you know there is a another drummer standing at the front door?
A: because he doesn't know when to come in.


Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
It took him 45 minutes to get the bass player out!!!