Bill Gates vs General Motors

[Fincave]

Here is something I was sent and it really made me chuckle.

BILL GATES VS GENERAL MOTORS

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that :- "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Gates' comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

[Sonnie]

I've always thought this one was pretty cool... of course it was even more appropriate back with Windows 98.

[khellandros66]

JUST saw this and passed it around to my fellow IT people and man the place is rolling with laughter!!

~Bobby

[drf]

nice, reminds me of this one:

http://www.cs.bgu.ac.il/~omri/Humor/JesusVsWin95.html

[Chrisbee]

I think they forgot to mention that owning a Microsoft car would automatically make the car the target for every nut and crook out there.

The car's armour plating would need to be so thick that the car could never accelerate to its expected speed no matter how long the engine was run flat out.

Every time it ventured out on the road it would need an international army of mercenaries just to keep it safe.

What Gates forgets is that while the computers themselves got cheaper and cheaper Windows became ever more expensive and demanding of the latest computer specs just to run. Thus depriving the Third World of access to modern computing thanks to the Gate's WMDs (World Monopoly Destructivity).

The computer power and engine speed has been driven forever upwards by the need to keep up with Windows demands for enough horsepower to record your personal browsing in ever greater detail.

Microsoft is largely responsible for global warming because computers need ever more electrical power just to keep them running and there are so many of the darned things compared to GM cars.

Since they take so long to start up from cold they are often left on permanently. Which massively increases fuel consumption and releases vast quantities of CO2 into the Earth's atmosphere.

If GM made only 100 liter 200 ton gas guzzlers out of rare metals they still could not remotely compete with Microsoft for trashing the planet's resources and polluting its atmosphere!

If Windows had improved to match computer advances it would take just three lines of code to describe and run the entire universe and Gates would pay you to use it!

Vista: A power-greedy new outlook on yet another doomsday scenario. (Just ask the IPCC!)

No more Big Blues just one enormous Great White!