I take it most of you guys are not married

**the_diyr** · **10-08-09, 09:00 PM**

My wife has threatened me fro day one about 2 years ago when I built my DIY projector from lumenlab.. Now my new HT project is putting her over the edge .. she made me throw away my projector when we moved and now yell's constantly when I talk speakers or Home theater.. So I take it the Guys with the really nice theater equipment must be single ... Well I been married 13 years so she is not going anywhere and as for the home theater project I am just going to do it and take a chewin... if wasn't for going out of town with her mom we would still be watching a 32 inch tube tv.. I bought the 50 inch rptv while she was gone..

**Mike P.** · **10-08-09, 10:02 PM**

I married a woman that is into HT as much as I am. It was her idea to add a pair of 18" subs to go with the pair of 15" subs that we already had. I know, she's a keeper! Have you tried "negotiating" with your wife? Something you want in exchange for something she wants?

**tcarcio** · **10-08-09, 11:38 PM**

Well I have been married for some time now and my wife loves the HTR. She doesn't really care what I do as long as she get's to enjoy the result. Besides thinking I'm a little nut's about it she really encourages the hobby. Sorry.......

**Wayne A. Pflughaupt** · **10-09-09, 02:43 AM**

It took a while for my wife to get into it - no yelling, but the rolling-eyes thing anytime I wanted some better speakers or cassette deck or something (yes, this goes way back!). Until she came around, Mike's "negotiating" tact worked well: "Tell ya what, let me get these speakers and you can get that new china set you've been wanting" - something like that. Win win, everyone got what they wanted so everyone was happy!

Of course, if all else fails you can always try a little "subterfuge." I learned a long time ago that people have limits to their own bad behavior and habits - i.e., how much of it they'll put up with themselves. All you have to do is exceed their own threshold and you will get their attention.

For instance, let's say you're dealing with someone who has a habit of throwing their underwear on the bathroom floor, while you're the tidy type who always throws his in the hamper. Well, just start leaving not only your underwear, but your socks, and maybe any dirty clothes you take off on the bathroom floor. Not all at once, of course, that would be obvious. Like I said, "subterfuge."

Just gradually increase your mess over a period of a few weeks. When the person in question sees that you're making more of a mess than they can live with, they'll start complaining. That's when you say, "Yeah, I guess I have been getting to be a slob lately. Tell ya what, I'll make it a point to keep my clothes picked up if you'll keep your underwear picked up." That'll take care of it! If you notice later on that they start getting lax, you can return to your "bad habits" as well.

Of course, every case is different - you'll have to assess the best way to go about "outdoing" whatever it is that needs to change.

In the case of your wife, if the negotiating tact doesn't work try doing what she does, only worse. She howls about the big TV or receiver? You howl about any knick-knack she brings home for the shelves: "It's ugly." "It doesn't match anything else you have up there." "It matches everything else you have up there, it's getting monotonous." She brings home a new electric can opener for the kitchen to replace the broken one? "It's too big." "It's too small." "I don't like the color." "They didn't have a more contemporary style than that?" When she raises objections to your complaining about everything, that's when you mention her complaining about the HT gear.

Or maybe even better: You're into HT - what is she into? Surely she's into something that costs money. Does she collect something? Like to buy new shoes every week whether she needs them or not? Maybe you could say, "Sure the new receiver will cost $XXX, but I'll be able to use it for four years. That averages out to only $XXX over the four years. This (fill in the blank) you're spending money on week after week, over the same period will cost $XXX, which is way more. So what's the problem?"

Or, if it's not so much the money as it is the "blight" on the living room, same thing: "Well, those ceramic clowns you collect take way more space in here than my speakers. And they're not really all that attractive, if you ask me. But if you let me get some better speakers, I wouldn't object if you wanted to put another shelf of clowns over there." (Of course, if you've already made the mistake of telling her that you love her clowns, you'll have to find something else to make an issue of!

)

Oh yes, here's another line I like: "Hey, I live here, too."

Well, there's my advice. That and a dime won't get you a divorce lawyer.

Another option: Is it possible to set up your own space in a spare bedroom or something?

Regards,
Wayne

**ironglen** · **10-09-09, 03:12 AM**

I wish my wife wasn't sleeping right now- I nearly bust-a-gut holding my laughter in!!!

I too am fortunate in that my wife LOVES the ht- but I'm careful to not turn it up beyond HER comfort zone while watching. She is rather uninterested in the process/hobby, but she knows it takes time and knowledge to do it right as I've made it clear that this is tricky stuff, not to be taken lightly or else this

may happen with little benefit. Wayne's post may come in handy sometime-I've only been married a couple years

**JimP** · **10-09-09, 03:54 AM**

Quote:

Wayne A. Pflughaupt wrote:

It took a while for my wife to get into it - no yelling, but the rolling-eyes thing anytime I wanted some better speakers or cassette deck or something (yes, this goes way back!). Until she came around, Mike's "negotiating" tact worked well: "Tell ya what, let me get these speakers and you can get that new china set you've been wanting" - something like that. Win win, everyone got what they wanted so everyone was happy!

Of course, if all else fails you can always try a little "subterfuge." I learned a long time ago that people have limits to their own bad behavior and habits - i.e., how much of it they'll put up with themselves. All you have to do is exceed their own threshold and you will get their attention.

For instance, let's say you're dealing with someone who has a habit of throwing their underwear on the bathroom floor, while you're the tidy type who always throws his in the hamper. Well, just start leaving not only your underwear, but your socks, and maybe any dirty clothes you take off on the bathroom floor. Not all at once, of course, that would be obvious. Like I said, "subterfuge."

Just gradually increase your mess over a period of a few weeks. When the person in question sees that you're making more of a mess than they can live with, they'll start complaining. That's when you say, "Yeah, I guess I have been getting to be a slob lately. Tell ya what, I'll make it a point to keep my clothes picked up if you'll keep your underwear picked up." That'll take care of it! If you notice later on that they start getting lax, you can return to your "bad habits" as well.

Of course, every case is different - you'll have to asses the best way to go about "outdoing" whatever it is that needs to change.

In the case of your wife, if the negotiating tact doesn't work try doing what she does, only worse. She howls about the big TV or receiver? You howl about any knick-knack she brings home for the shelves: "It's ugly." "It doesn't match anything else you have up there." "It matches everything else you have up there, it's getting monotonous." She brings home a new electric can opener for the kitchen to replace the broken one? "It's too big." "It's too small." "I don't like the color." "They didn't have a more contemporary style than that?" When she raises objections to your complaining about everything, that's when you mention her complaining about the HT gear.

Or maybe even better: You're into HT - what is she into? Surely she's into something that costs money. Does she collect something? Like to buy new shoes every week whether she needs them or not? Maybe you could say, "Sure the new receiver will cost $XXX, but I'll be able to use it for four years. That averages out to only $XXX over the four years. This (fill in the blank) you're spending money on week after week, over the same period will cost $XXX, which is way more. So what's the problem?"

Or, if it's not so much the money as it is the "blight" on the living room, same thing: "Well, those ceramic clowns you collect take way more space in here than my speakers. And they're not really all that attractive, if you ask me. But if you let me get some better speakers, I wouldn't object if you wanted to put another shelf of clowns over there." (Of course, if you've already made the mistake of telling her that you love her clowns, you'll have to find something else to make an issue of!

)

Oh yes, here's another line I like: "Hey, I live here, too."

Well, there's my advice. That and a dime won't get you a divorce lawyer.

An other option: Is it possible to set up your own space in a spare bedroom or something?

Regards,
Wayne

I think before I'd do all that, I'd just upgrade the wife.

Maybe that's why I'm still single.

**dradius** · **10-09-09, 08:25 AM**

I'm married. We have a nice arrangement, I keep my speakers and junk out of the upstairs living room, and she lets me do whatever the hell I want in the basement. I can't believe she made you throw away your LL PJ

I can't imagine my wife ever doing (or trying to do) something like that.

**glaufman** · **10-09-09, 09:45 AM**

I'm married too. At first my wife just indulged me becuase I had roughly the same HT setup in my apartment that I set up when we were dating, b4 she thought what she said mattered... It was a, love me, love my HT thing... then as she more and more discovered that the experience in the HT was better than in a real theater, she stsarrted encouraging me to make improvements any time I mentioned something... she hates when other people in the theater talk during the movie, or a kid kicking her chair, or a tall person sitting in front of her, or the sticky floor, or someone chewing popcorn with their mouth open... She actually preferes watching in the home theater now, and is encouraging me to add a sub with some money I've been scraping together...

So, along the same lines as Wayne's suggestions (which I've successfully used in other situations, he's spot on), take her to the movies, make sure she has a lousy time (not becaus of the movie selection), and repeat, and then point out how much better it is to watch movies from your own HT...

**akan101** · **10-09-09, 10:10 AM**

Quote:

JimP wrote:

I think before I'd do all that, I'd just upgrade the wife.

Maybe that's why I'm still single.

This would be the best solution for all married guys here.....

**tonyvdb** · **10-09-09, 10:17 AM**

I'm married as well and have 5 daughters

My Wife has tolerated my HT hobby to a point but "the upgrading has to stop" she has said recently but still let me upgrade the projector to a newer one. The HT is in the basement and she does not go down there unless doing laundry or we watch a movie.

**the_diyr** · **10-09-09, 11:10 AM**

On the projector thing the main reason I had to throw it away was that the thing was huge ..It had a 400 watt metal halide bulb in it and computer fans all around it .. And I told her since we were moving I would have an extra bedroom to put it in .. Well I had to choose between my other project or the projector .. So the 350 Big Bear 4 wheeler came with us and the projector stayed behind..

**DougMac** · **10-09-09, 12:42 PM**

I'm lucky. We've been married 39 years now. It was my wife who encouraged me to finish out the unfinished half of the basement and put in a home theater. Our only disagreement is I tend to overload on foreign films with subtitles; sometimes she wants to watch mindless entertainment that doesn't take the active viewing required by subtitles.

She's always claimed she has a tin ear and I have some evidence to back up her claim. I played her an A/B test between a poorly mastered LP version of "Memphis Underground" and a remastered CD version. She could hardly tell the substantial difference. The home theater is a different matter. She remarked how much clearer the dialogue is on the HT compared to regular TVs and even the cinema. Also, I used an Infinity 10" servo sub for over 20 years. For it's age, it wasn't bad at all, much better than the normal offering for the time. Deb would fuss about the bass making her ears hurt. I bought an SVS PB-12 NSD for the HT. Initially it sounded less impressive, but that was because it was much smoother and didn't have the one note hump of the Infinity. Deb likes it much better, she doesn't complain about the bass anymore.

**glaufman** · **10-09-09, 02:41 PM**

Quote:

the_diyr wrote:

On the projector thing the main reason I had to throw it away was that the thing was huge ..It had a 400 watt metal halide bulb in it and computer fans all around it .. And I told her since we were moving I would have an extra bedroom to put it in .. Well I had to choose between my other project or the projector .. So the 350 Big Bear 4 wheeler came with us and the projector stayed behind..

Hmmmmmmmm not really sure you made the right choice there...

**Jon Liu** · **10-09-09, 02:43 PM**

I am married and have a 2.5 year old daughter!

**recruit** · **10-09-09, 03:03 PM**

A mans got to do what a mans got a do...

**ironglen** · **10-10-09, 02:40 AM**

Quote:

glaufman wrote:

I'm married too. At first my wife just indulged me becuase I had roughly the same HT setup in my apartment that I set up when we were dating, b4 she thought what she said mattered... It was a, love me, love my HT thing... then as she more and more discovered that the experience in the HT was better than in a real theater, she stsarrted encouraging me to make improvements any time I mentioned something... she hates when other people in the theater talk during the movie, or a kid kicking her chair, or a tall person sitting in front of her, or the sticky floor, or someone chewing popcorn with their mouth open... She actually preferes watching in the home theater now, and is encouraging me to add a sub with some money I've been scraping together...

So, along the same lines as Wayne's suggestions (which I've successfully used in other situations, he's spot on), take her to the movies, make sure she has a lousy time (not becaus of the movie selection), and repeat, and then point out how much better it is to watch movies from your own HT...

Now, THIS is slick. I gotta go to the movies a -bit- more to refresh her memory.

She reviles the very points you mentioned; absolutely ruins her evening

**robbo266317** · **10-10-09, 02:46 AM**

I married late (42) and we just had our 10th anniversary.
I can buy anything I want for my system, Unless she finds out.

**the_rookie** · **10-10-09, 06:31 PM**

Im married too, the wife complains that I spend more time and money on it than I do her.

Well it would be the case if she took as good care of me as the HT did... >_>

The HT provides me a place to be when shes mad at me, or when work was bad. Not to mention hours of entertainment. She on the other hand...makes me want to be with the HT.

But on a more serious note, she is half and half on it. She complains about not seeing newer movies, but with Netflix now, we can get more stuff than before. And with the "" streaming it provides on my 360, its marginal performance is enough to entertain us. But some stuff is actually good. Just got to cross your fingers.

She doesn't get why we need so many speakers. But thats women for you.

On a side note, I got some banana plugs for the Set-up, it should make it much more of a breeze to hook-up and disassemble in the future. (Thank god for mono-price)

**SQCherokee** · **10-11-09, 01:56 AM**

I've been married for just over 2 years and 3months and have a 15 month old son.

As long as our bills are paid and our other needs are met my wife says she will be ok with me building a theater when we buy a house.

However she has told me that she wants nothing to do with the process...this is good and bad at the same time. This gives me alot of freedom in the design, and I can put my hands to work.

However she cannot visualize a finished product.
When we have looked at potential houses to buy I show her how alittle bit of work, some updates...maybe moving some stuff around to make a room bigger...she can't visualize it and she gets up set.
Something about unfinished construction makes her upset. My friend and his wife have been doing a live in full remodel for about 6 years now, and as she see's things he described to us years ago being done and something dosn't click.

I talk with my father in law about a man cave for their un finished basement and she gets frustrated by the bare framed walls and has to leave the basement.

Its weird but thats just the way her mind works.

I like the threads on here showing the whole thing from bare room to finished theater. It gives her a good idea of what the potential could be. She sees that it adds close to 100% of whats invested back to the home value.

One good sign is that she one day did a calculation comparing what we spend on admission and concessions at the theater...a home theater pays for it self rather quickly.

When it comes time to start a build I will have to aim a bit high on my budget so that she will be very happy with me when I come in way under budget.

**Mike P.** · **10-11-09, 02:52 AM**

Quote:

When it comes time to start a build I will have to aim a bit high on my budget so that she will be very happy with me when I come in way under budget.

Good one!

**JimP** · **10-11-09, 07:32 AM**

Quote:

SQCherokee wrote:

When it comes time to start a build I will have to aim a bit high on my budget so that she will be very happy with me when I come in way under budget.

It probably a good idea to budget a bit high so if anything, you wind up on budget.

One thing a friend of mine did was buy too much of his gear at the beginning of construction. Construction took much more time than expected (bad contractor). By the time his room was complete, his gear was already a little dated. Just as a suggestion, hold off buying electronics till you can see that you're almost done with everything else.

**Vido** · **10-11-09, 10:47 AM**

Quote:

Mike P. wrote:

I married a woman that is into HT as much as I am. It was her idea to add a pair of 18" subs to go with the pair of 15" subs that we already had. I know, she's a keeper! Have you tried "negotiating" with your wife? Something you want in exchange for something she wants?

You're lucky man

Well, I'm not married (i'm just 17) but i like HT, speakers, amps etc. and my main source of complains is my mother, she just cant's stand big speaker boxes (i had one 115l subwoofer box in 10m^2 room once

) and she always complains when I have idea to make some new speakers or something like that. She also can't stand loud sounds so she complains about that either

**panaman** · **10-11-09, 01:21 PM**

my wife doesn't like home theater either.. she hates speakers everywhere and likes to keep things simple.....

Thas why I have a "Man Cave"

**the_diyr** · **10-11-09, 06:38 PM**

Here is my projector log at lumenlab that got me in so much trouble a while back .. The projector almost caused a divorce..
http://www.lumenlab.com/forums/index...howtopic=23579

**glaufman** · **10-11-09, 07:03 PM**

Quote:

ironglen wrote:

Now, THIS is slick. I gotta go to the movies a -bit- more to refresh her memory.

She reviles the very points you mentioned; absolutely ruins her evening

Just make sure not to do those things in your own HT...

Quote:

robbo266317 wrote:

I married late (42) and we just had our 10th anniversary.
I can buy anything I want for my system, Unless she finds out.

I too, am King of my Castle................. when she's not around..............

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