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Title: Kindergarten Cop 2

Movie: :2stars:
Video: :4stars:
Audio: :4stars:
Extras: :1.5stars:

HTS Overall Score:67

Of all the movies to receive a delayed sequel, “Kindergarten Cop” was certainly not the first movie that would spring to mind. I’m a HUGE Arnold fan, and almost as big a fan of the Dolphinator. Arnold was a legend, but Dolph has always been a fun B-level 80’s action star and his charisma and Swedish charm has makes even his horrible DTV films a bit of fun to watch. I personally never saw this one coming, and was flabbergasted when I realized that this wasn’t a joke. There really WAS going to be a “Kindergarten Cop 2”! The sequel takes the direct premise of the first movie, which was paper thin as it was, and makes it even more ridiculous when you factor in the knowledge that the actors are 20 years too old to be playing this type of role and the first movie just BARELY was able to be fun due to the star power of Arnold at the time Batten down the hatches and prepare for a trip down memory lane that no one requested or even wanted (despite some “so bad it’s good” humor in the whole situation).

After a sting operation that went netted him one of the biggest bad guys in the country, FBI agent Zack Reed (Dolph Lundgren) thinks that his life is back in order. He got the bad guy. The girl he went undercover for is put in Witness protection, and it’s all over. WRONG! The bad guy, an Albanian crime lord by the name of Zogu (Aleks Paunovic), is set to be tried, but the whole thing hinges on that girl in the Witness protection program and he’s got a chance to wiper her off the map before she can testify. It seems that a hacker had broken into the Wit-Sec database a month ago and was offering the data to the highest bidder. Sadly he died in a car accident before anyone could buy the information, but that means the data is still out there, and Zogu DEFINITELY wants to get ahold of that precious database. The FBI realizes that this is not just about one crime lord, but the identities of thousands of people who are testifying against criminals all over the country.

This hacker also happened to be a Kindergarten teacher at a posh Seattle private school (you know the ones where everyone is taught to be politically correct and be aware of their emotions. Well, that and cost $50,000 a year to go to), and that means that Zack has to go undercover and see if he can sniff out just WHERE the database is hidden. This school is a bit more than the playboy FBI agent expected, as he’s faced with overly hippy administrators, love crazed technology teachers, and a beautiful Kindergarten teacher who catches Zack’s eye. He may get a chance at finding some peace and love with said beautiful teacher; that is if he can find the flash drive and stay alive amongst the piranhas that are 6 year old kids!

I knew from the moment I saw the first trailer that “Kindergarten Cop 2” was going to be a wince fest. The first “Kindergarten Cop” was never a wild success in terms of popularity (besides making $212 million on a $15 million budget) and is considered one of the weakest of the Arnold comedies (although “Twins” may hold the title of weakest). Not to mention the fact that we’re about 20 years too late for a REAL sequel anyways. With that being said, we got exactly what I was expecting. A well intentioned sequel that has none of the charm and fun that made the original a goofy, yet entertaining, watch. Dolph is someone I LOVE to see on film, but sadly it’s kind of painful to watch the 59 year old action star still able to prance around be the playboy character with 19 year old girls. It feels out of place and blatantly pandering, even if the guy is still in incredible shape. The romance between him and the gorgeous Kindergarten teacher, Olivia (Darla Taylor) is kind of cute, it feels very strange and weird.

At the same time, you can tell the writers really tried to copy what made the original movie so famous. The kids saying the craziest things, the one liners, and the action scenes all just reeked of trying to recapture that old 1990s lightning in the same bottle. Unfortunately it just doesn’t really work. Lines feel like a “been there, heard that before” situation and the blatant copying of Arnold’s rough and gruff teaching style in a fish out of water character doesn’t really fly. There’s some fun to be had in the DTV movie, but it’s mainly giggling at the “so bad it’s kind of good” feel of the film. Dolph is charismatic and fun as ever, but the side characters are grating on the nerves and the writing leaves a lot to be desired.


Rated PG-13 for some violence and suggestive material

Video :4stars:
“Kindergarten Cop 2” is given a very pleasing, but very standard feeling 1.78:1 DVD transfer in Mpeg2. Colors are bright and cheerful, and the fine detail is strong enough for a low budget film. The digital source is clean and clear of any abnormalities, except for some slight banding here and there. Black levels are usually pretty strong, although there are a few moments in the really darkest recesses of the screen where the black levels are a tad washed out. Outdoor scenes are crisp and clear, with razor sharp detailing around faces and clothing, and the interior shots look great. The Vancouver setting makes for a lovely backdrop as the greens and browns of the surrounding wooded areas look beautiful.

Audio :4stars:
The Dolby Digital 5.1 track is actually really good for a low budget DTV film. The dialog is locked firmly in the center channel, and you can hear every word with a sharp clarity (even Dolph’s heavy accent). The front soundstage is active with all sorts of activity from screaming children, to the sounds of the pair in a country bar (Dolph shouldn’t give up his day job as line dancing is NOT his next career). Surrounds get a solid workout in said same bar as well as the more action oriented bits were Zogu and his goons are exchanging gunfire the FBI agents. LFE is tight and controlled, adding some punch to the action scenes, and letting itself fade into the background when not needed. There’s not a whole lot of bassy moments, but the track is very stable and well done considering the DTV budget.

Extras :1.5stars:

• Kindergarten Cop 2: Undercover
• Deleted Scenes
• Gag Reel

Overall: :3.5stars:

“Kindergarten Cop 2” is no beautiful rose, and it certainly is really bad. However, it has a mild amount of charm, especially for those of you who still cling to the aging action stars and their DTV projects. Dolph is charming and charismatic in the role, and despite a horribly clichéd plot, the sequel that no one ever asked for is fun enough for a cheap rental. If you’re a bit more discriminating then I would consider skipping it completely, but as the 80’s nerd in me says. You can never have enough Dolph Lundgren.

Additional Information:

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Fiona Vroom, Aleks Paunovic
Directed By: Don Michael Paul
Written By: David H. Steinberg, Murray Salem, Herschel Weingrod, Timothy Harris
Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1 MPEG2
Audio: English: Dolby Digital 5.1, Spanish, French, Japanese, Portuguese DD 5.1
Studio: Universal
Rated: PG-13
Runtime: 100 Minutes
DVD Release Date: May 17th, 2016

Buy Kindergarten Cop 2 DVD on Amazon

Recommendation: Skip It

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