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Get a hobby or do something with friends on your own, away from home, and without her.
 

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We have been married for 28 years, so I have no issues with my wife hangin' out away from the house for a while, but it ain't no more than her going over to her mom's or sister's house and hangin' with them and sometimes her aunt, cousin, etc. She don't go out to bars and such... as we are not drinkers, nor do we find any benefit or pleasure in being around a bunch of folks that after a few drinks can't seem to think, talk or walk straight. They might go to the local Chicken Shack, but most of the time they just order it and pick it up.

Now back up 18 years ago when we had only been married for 10 years... I can't even go there because I was no good for nothing. I was the sorriest husband on planet earth and how my wife survived it is beyond me. I know right now I am blessed way more than I will ever deserve.
 

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Thanks, Sonnie. I know this to be true. I got some very true words from another member of the shack, and they pretty much mirror yours.

lcaillo, I do alot of stuff both away from home, and away from her. I know she has no issues with me going out, and this is really not about her at all. It's me, and my insecurity. All I want is for her to be able to go out with her friends and knowing I'll be fine with it. As it is, I'm sure my state is in the back of her mind and weighing her down.

Time for those self-help books, I guess!
 

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Sorry for the double post here, just a small update.

After I obsessively checked facebook for clues to what she had been up to on her trip I found out she was up really late last night/this morning. I freaked out, like I usually do. Then I decided to get some councelling, I can't handle this alone. I am afraid of making her life even worse if this continue, and my life has been hell because of these things for a while now. Time to call in some bigger guns, this is more than I can handle on my own.
 

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I don't think you're alone. I'd say a good percentage of the population will have a similar response. But, and it looks like you see it, it's just the lizard portion of your brain that's taking temporary control of your noodle.

Now, I may be in the minority, but I actually think it's healthy for a couple to have a guys night out and a gal's night out occasionally. If nothing else, it helps you to appreciate what you've got.

But, I realize this may be a "rational" thought to what is really an "emotional" response and may not be what you were looking for.

In any event, I hope it goes well for you and I'm glad you've decided to look to the outside for some help.
 

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I understand where you are coming from - when I quit my job 8.5 years ago to be a stay at home dad, I never expected to get that same feeling - you know in your heart that your spouse loves you dearly and trust them, but for some reason that "worst case scenario" feeling comes on - for me, it is when she goes somewhere we might have gone when we were single (like a bar).

Glad to hear you are getting help - talking about it REALLY helps. For me, I finally talked to my wife about it. She still does those things, but now, she calls or texts me periodically while she is out. That helps me to not worry, and she still gets time away.
 

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Just a little update. I've started therapy now. Been going there once a week the last 5 weeks, and we're starting to get somewhere, I think. It's hard in the sessions, though. Mentally exhausted after an hour in that chair. It's been much less emotional than I thought it would be, but more of a mental excersise, trying to figure out why I feel the things I feel. I just hope we get somewere in the end. I've found some mental tools to use when I feel myself moving in less healthy directions, and usually manage to keep myself out of the dark thought-spirals. My thereapist is a really nice guy, and he tells me he's impressed with the progress we've made already, so I have hopes of getting to a better place in the end. :)

Today's session is going to focus on my parents and childhood, apparently. His analytic skills are very impressive. After a few sessions he described my dad, and it was pretty much spot on, even if we hadn't talked about my parents at all before then.

It's looking up! :)
 
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